Just a Game
by Nerikla
Summary: I don't want to play along any longer, Jack. I'm sick of this...and I'm sorry.


Sorry, Jacky-boy. But I couldn't do it. I couldn't pull through for you.

You want me in a way that I don't want you, Jacky. I'm sorry. I thought that you realized this was a game.

This has always been just a game.

Spot Conlon doesn't fall in love. Hell, Spot Conlon doesn't know the _meaning_ of the word love. And even if he did, it wouldn't be with you. Not with a boy.

Sorry.

I know this is sudden, but I don't want to play along any longer.

At first, it was fun. Like a cat and mouse game, you know? I tugged your string, and you came back to me before I even had to snap my fingers. It was the power I liked. It was the look in your eyes.

But the boys, they're wondering why you're always here. They're restless. They just need something to sink their fists into, is all. They want to fight with you, Jacky.

Well, not you specifically. 

Manhattan.

And, when a leader's boys want to do something, he usually lets them. 

We'll be coming tonight, Jacky. I wish I could tell you in person, but this will have to do.

My thoughts are so cluttered this morning. I can scarcely stop writing before my brain urges my fingers to scribble down another incoherent thought.

Are you surprised, Jacky-boy? Surprised that the high and mighty Spot Conlon knows how to write? How to read? I bet you are, you little shit.

But don't tell anyone, or I'll soak you. You got that? I'll soak you even harder than I plan to.

You've gotta be ready for us tonight, Jacky-boy. Let my boys know that Manhattan is an ally _worthy_ of Brooklyn. It's gonna be bad; they're taking the sling shots, and want my cane to make an appearance.

I'm supposed to go after you. And you know what that means- I can't go easy on you. You and I both know that one-on-one, I'll be calling all the shots. I have to make you bleed. Then my boys will be happy. They can throw around a few of your boys- what's the name of the pretty one? Mush? They'll kick him around a bit. They just need to get their steam out. They're good boys, really they are.

I can't stop them, Jack. All I can do is tell you to be prepared.

Make sure Boots stays out of this, okay? Convince him to spend one more night on the streets, just one. I don't want him hurt.

I wish this didn't have to happen, Jack. I wish I could stop it.

But I have to stay strong. You _know_ that. I have to stay strong for my boys. You and I have the same worries, the same pressures. You know why I have to pull through for them, even if it means hurting you.

Can you tell I'm drinking? What do you think of that, Jack? I know you hate it. It's four in the morning and I'm _drinking,_ goddammit.

Why's it gotta be us, Jack? Why us? Why are we the ones born with parents who beat us, swear at us, who're prostitutes, gamblers, criminals, so that we have to run away and put ourselves through _this_ so that we've got a fighting chance at life? _Why us?_

It's not fair. It's just not fucking fair.

The younger boys are stirring in their beds. Whenever I'm angry like this, I stab at the paper so hard it almost rips.

I'll send Opium with this letter. He's quick on his feet, and trusts me so much that if I stand over him and shake him awake, he'll run all the way the Manhattan with this, no questions asked. He's a good kid. I don't want him to see blood tonight, but maybe it'll be good for him. He needs to toughen up.

You don't have time to waste, Jacky. We're coming tonight and we're coming _hard_. I know this is going to hurt you more than it hurts me. Remember what you said on Tuesday? Take it back. You don't love me. 

I'm Spot Conlon, Jack. You can't love someone who's already dead.

Dead? Yeah, that's right. I may move and laugh and smile and fight but I'm dead inside. I died ten years ago, when I ran away. That's just how it for us. It's not fair, but it's life. 

You'd better make your boys fight hard, or they'll be even deader than I am, for the whole world to see. Don't let my boys kill anyone, Jack. Please.

I'll do my best to make sure it's short and quick. But there's no way that I can stop this attack. It's like there's so much pressure, and if I don't give in I'll be swept away. You know how it is So you've gotta fight.

Sorry.

But this is just a game, you know that.

Just a game.

C'mon Jack, stop reading this and start preparing. 

Get moving, you little fuck.

Hurry.

For God's sake, Jacky-boy. Please hurry.

Go.

  
  



End file.
